when i was crossing the road opposite my house just now, i was thinking which car would be nice enough to hit me down. i really cant stand this time of my life. i just want to be hospitalised and not care about homework and school and friends and ______. i just want to lie on the road and bleed till my blood seeps into the ground and dries up. then i started thinking to myself, maybe we should play TEARS AND RAIN during my funeral. i dont think i have the strength to continue living anymore. so when i close my eyes, please please PLEASE be there. im seriously stuck in my body trying very hard, struggling to reach out for the light cause its really really dark in there.

i couldnt stop thinking about one thing today. PE helped a lot cause i could scream and run and let go of myself. but when reality snaps back after being awaken by the recess bell, i retreated back into darkness again. im not afraid of the dark like i used to anymore. i have nothing to call my own now and thats why i have nothing to be afraid anymore. reality always hurts right? i cant face my own reality cause it really sucks. but i really want to thank those that were with me when i got stuck in my very own situation. i just want you all to know that i really love every single one of you a lot. you all are the greatest friend i ever had.